SASM 016 – Relationship Mindsets to Create Lifetime Friends and Allies

Smart and Simple MattersIt’s time to get unleashed in this episode of Smart and Simple Matters (SASM).

The topic is relationships and this one is both deep and wide. Maybe you can tell the difference in tone, clarity, and impact between this episode and other solo episodes I’ve done?

SASM 005 about curating and SASM 009 about investing were written up and read line-for-line. But I’m taking a new approach to my solo shows and just rolling with an outline. I’d love to know if you dig the new approach and what kind of impact it had on you (positive or negative)!

At one point, I was afraid this episode was going to turn into an R.E.M. song. That I was going to talk for an hour and not have anything to show for it. You know …

Oh no, I’ve said too much. I haven’t said enough.

But by the time I got to the end, I was singing a new tune.

I knew somewhere amid all this distraction, was a little less talk and a lot more action.

Yes, that was an R.E.M. and Toby Keith reference in the same breath. That’s how I do things.

I hope you weren’t playing a drinking game for this episode where you chug every time you hear the word “relationship,” “genuine,” “intentional,” “instrumental,” or “deeply.” You’d be awfully hammered.

But I do want you to take my words that resonated and take action as a result.

This episode was requested and inspired by Erin, Sally, Tohami, and those of you who have noticed the vibrant relationships I’ve developed. I’m extremely grateful for them and wanted to explain why I approach relationships the way I do and how you might be more intentional with creating and cultivating yours.

Here’s a sample of some words about peer development (among the other topics related to relationships):

Don’t wait for someone to wave a white flag, surrender to the world and say ‘please help me.’ Go out and try and help the people who may not even say they need it, but do it anyway because that’s part of who you are.

If that speaks to you, then other segments of this episode will speak to you too.

What You’ll Learn

From why we don’t tell the people we love “I love you” to who my relationship gurus are, you’re in for a treat.

In this episode you’ll learn about:

  • The simplest, most direct path to self-awareness.
  • How to weave your own rich tapestry of friends and allies.
  • Why I intentionally limit my influence to spend time lifting other people up.
  • What being a “multipotentialite” can do when combined with a snowball effect.
  • Why I want to start some conversations with “I love you.”
  • How many of my eighty-one recurring business tasks are relationship related.
  • Why peer development can get you father than self-development.
  • The many ways to put out your “I want to be your friend” sign.
  • Why the time I schedule for relationships is sacred.
  • The surprising way I got invited to contribute to The Huffington Post.
  • What my mom, Keith Ferrazzi, Scott Dinsmore, and my friend Erika have in common.

Resources and Items Mentioned in This Episode Include:


  • [02:24] Why I’m talking about relationships
  • [10:16] The results of some of my spontaneous and intentional relationships
  • [22:07] The how and why of peer development
  • [27:14] Scheduling time to create and grow relationships
  • [36:16] How to put out your “I want to be your friend” sign
  • [44:44] Reader and listener questions about relationships
  • [51:01] My relationship gurus
  • [57:16] Special thanks and final notes

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The transcript will not be available until I find a new transcriptionist (if you know someone good, let me know).

I’m Grateful for Your iTunes Reviews!

If you enjoyed this specific episode or the Smart and Simple Matters show in general, I always appreciate when people go to the iTunes page and leave an honest review. Every single review is a huge help and received with gratitude!

If you want to make me incredibly thankful, like the people who have recently left an iTunes review, here are the four quick steps (assuming iTunes is already installed):

  1. Visit the Smart and Simple Matters iTunes page here:
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  4. Write a review with whatever title you like, whatever length you have time for, and give the show an honest rating. If you don’t think it deserves five stars, don’t rate it as a five star show.

And if you have someone or something you’d like us to cover on an upcoming show, tell us in the comments below.


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