Do you like doing things that scare the bejesus out of you?
I'm a fan of freaking yourself out – and maybe even others in the process – as long as it's intentional and for a good cause.
Well, I'm extremely intentional in this solo episode as I champion the causes of authenticity, vulnerability, and freedom through letting go.
The first question you may have after listening a bit is, “Wait … did he really go there?” And the answer is, “Yes. Yes I did.”
I've been withholding much of who I was, who I am, and who I want to be for far too long, and that ends now.
But I'm scared. Straight. Up. Scared.
I'm afraid that (just for starters):
- My words are too raw, too crude, or I've otherwise screwed up something between my brain and mouth that you'll hear way different than I intended.
- People will look down upon me as “unredeemable” in some ways.
- There are no “take backs” now that I've hit publish.
- I'm a giant hypocrite.
- What I say will come across as self-absorbed, self-important, and – more than anything – radically unkind to myself and what I try to represent in the world.
- I'll need explain the unexplainable, issue disclaimers, and provide way too much context for people to really understand why I feel the way and I do.
I'm intensely grateful for what and who I have in my life, but I'm super entitled at the same time. I'm a stumbling, bumbling contradiction who's just about done withholding all this crap I've kept inside for years.
So if you want to know how rich I am, how poorly I've treated my dogs, how controlling I get on “leaderless” projects, how bad my sugar binging still is, how much I love putting on a show, how fearful I am to say “I love you,” how much work this lifestyle entrepreneur still does, and why I quit things that seem hard … just press play.
Podcasting is a naturally one-way transmission, but let's change it up now and create a two-way street (as you'll hear me explain towards the end of the episode). Heck, let's make it a roundabout and include friends and family who need this kind of frank conversation, too!
You're about to Learn …
- Who I was, who I am, and who I want to be – truly and completely.
- Just how freakin' rich I am.
- Lots of things I'm scared of by publishing this episode.
- Why SimpleREV makes me feel like an entitled parent (or spoiled brat).
- How I've wronged my dogs and why.
- How I struggle with addiction and why I still feel hopeless sometimes.
- Why it took me fourteen years to tell a best friend, “I love you.”
- My history with quickly quitting anything that seems hard.
- How I'm not “loyal to the absent.”
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Resources and Items Mentioned in This Episode:
- Websites:
- Resources:
- Books:
- Podcast Episodes
- Blog Posts:
- Mike Hrostoski: What Are You Withholding?
- Joshua Becker: The Freedom of Authenticity (and 7 of My Biggest Flaws)
- Leo Babauta: I Failed
- Mike Burns: Loyal to the Absent (Part 3): “Sometimes I Suck at This…”
- The Biggest Risk I Ever Took (and Why I'm Better Off for Being Terrible)
- Screw 80-20: Let’s Do 99-1 (A Tribute to Destroying Addictions)
Topics
- [02:10] The context behind what I've been withholding
- [09:52] The event that finally pushed me to record this episode
- [15:45] Why I hit record and what I'm scared of
- [19:49] I'm rich. Like, really, really rich.
- [22:33] Sometimes I treat my dogs like crap
- [25:14] Why and how SimpleREV brings out the worst in me
- [32:33] Sugar and video game addictions (past and present)
- [36:05] Ways I like to put on a show
- [38:48] Withholding in and with my most important relationships
- [48:13] How much I work and whether I actually like it
- [51:49] Why I often quit when things seem hard
- [55:27] The silver linings and takeaways
How to Join the Authenticity/Vulnerability Parade
I believe so much of our suffering comes from lying. That so much of our pain comes from withholding.
So if you have something big to get off your chest, leave a comment below and tell us one thing that you've been withholding for days … months … even years.
It will feel gooood. But perhaps more importantly, it will help others understand that this vulnerability, authenticity, intentional living thing? It's to be embraced, not avoided.
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Transcript
The transcript will not be available until I find a new transcriptionist (if you know someone good, let me know).
I'm Grateful for Your iTunes Reviews!
If you enjoyed this specific episode or the Smart and Simple Matters show in general, I always appreciate when people go to the iTunes page and leave an honest review. Every single review is a huge help and received with gratitude!
If you want to make me incredibly thankful, like the people who have recently left an iTunes review, here are the four quick steps (assuming iTunes is already installed):
- Visit the Smart and Simple Matters iTunes page here: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/value-simple-podcast-joel/id545208089
- Click the blue button on the left labeled “View in iTunes” below the cover art of the show
- When iTunes loads, scroll down below the “Customer Reviews” section and click the link labeled “Write a Review”
- Write a review with whatever title you like, whatever length you have time for, and give the show an honest rating. If you don't think it deserves five stars, don't rate it as a five star show.
And if you have someone or something you'd like us to cover on an upcoming show, tell us in the comments below.
I’ve been looking into minimalism and simplifying and eventually found my way to your podcasts and then your website. They are inspiring and a great help in clarifying and understanding what an amazing life could be out there for my family and me if we go down this route. I had to leave a comment on this podcast especially as your honesty and openness are awesome, courageous and inspiring! And yes, I too have failed, too many times to mention and at too many things but I am making changes and now I look at every day as a chance… Read more »
Your journey sounds super encouraging, Kat. And thanks for sharing your struggles first out of everyone. It’s hard to be the first and I hope everyone who comes after you appreciates how you made it a little easier for them to share as well.
Joel – Great episode! Vulnerability looks good on you. Of course I had to get over the fact that you are rich – I mean, I’ve been genuinely worried about your inability to ask for money. Now I’m still worried but for completely different reasons. Also want to let you know that entitlement is not the same thing as feeling unappreciated. And even though I can’t make Simple Rev again this year – nothing to do with the super extra special value amount you are asking people to invest in their own community – I appreciate all the work you… Read more »
Are you impressed? Yeah, I suffer from that one too.
Your comments and support are always welcome, Miriam. But I’m confused about your new reasons to worry about my money issues based on this podcast episode. I’m sure you’ll explain yourself fully when we chat next. 🙂
I’m more concerned with my sense of entitlement right now than my money avoidance issues. But both are big issues to dive deep into, and that will probably take a long time to resolve. Knowing you’re here to listen, guide, and help makes a tremendous difference, though.
Any time Joel – and I’m not that worried. 🙂
As it turns out, I struggle with some of the exact same things that you do. Sugar is a constant battle. I’ve never been able to sustain any particular diet that will keep me off desserts or sweets for more than a few weeks. My weight fluctuates constantly in 6-12 month swings. 190-230 depending on what I’d spent the last few months doing. I’m awful at showing gratitude that requires forethought or planning. I don’t do some of the most seemingly obvious things to show gratitude to the people I love. This is what I hate most about myself. I… Read more »
Anthony, my man. It’s an Internet love-fest for us until we see each other next. And that sugar crap? Dude. It can be straight-up brutal. I know there are literally hundreds of millions of people who have the same struggles as us, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about my sugar binging. Mark Sisson taught me that just because something is common doesn’t make it normal (or desirable). For the record, I think you do a splendid job of showing gratitude to me, with me, and among others, at least when I’m around. But your feelings are legitimate… Read more »
Thank you for the shout out brother! Vulnerability looks good on you.
Love, Power, and Freedom,
Mike
I’m starting to recognize that vulnerability looks pretty damn good on everyone, Mike. Thanks for being a shining beacon to dudes and dudettes around the world.
Joel! I just listened to this episode and I wanted to hug you the whole time. It is so tough, but also freeing and healing, to be as open as you just were! As I listened, I heard a lot of my own attitudes towards myself reflected in your words; it helped me realize that a lot of our “faults” are just personal unmet goals, rather than objective problems. Nobody can do it all, especially not all at once, but you are a person who tries and that is so commendable. I’ll give you a personal “failing” of mine: I… Read more »